Socially Awkward
by craple
Summary: In which Tony realizes that he is surrounded by socially awkward people. "And I know that you're so in love with each other that you actually had sex in my kitchen—"Like, totally awkward. Loki/Sif plus Tony's sarcasm.


**Title:** Socially Awkward

**Fandom:** The Avengers (Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, and Thor)

**Rating:** PG-13/T

**Genre:** (attempted) Humor & Romance

**Characters:** Various; mainly Tony. Pairing is Loki/Sif

**Summary:** In which Tony realizes that he is surrounded by socially awkward people. "And I know that you're _so in love_ with each other that you _actually_ had sex in my kitchen—"Like, totally awkward.

**Disclaimer:** These all belong to Marvell and you know it.

**Warnings:** Grammatical mistakes, I presume, and slightly sexual content and foul language.

So it seems that Thor fans' did a quite knock-up job on distracting me from Resident Evil, and after watching The Avengers trailer, I can't stop squealing for _days_, especially at Tony's awesomeness. I laughed so hard when he talks to Bruce about admiring his ability to turn into Hulk (around 01.43 and ups) xD

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><p>It's just his usual day of practicing and doing business, sometimes flirting with his female workers when the others are not looking, when Tony finally realizes how cruel the world to him.<p>

Grouping him together with a bunch of weirdoes; gods, a friend of his great-great-and more great(s)-grandfather, and an abomination, or whatever Banner is comfortable of being called with.

He used to have high hopes of the world—for example, getting him married with Pepper, making his company more wealthy and full of glory than it already is—and just have a good peaceful life. Without gunfire or calls from the courts or taxes or the police or the S.H.I.E.L.D or whatever; he just want a normal peaceful life, that's all.

Steve walks calmly into his practice room, coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other, and Thor trails him from behind, followed by Banner, and the rest come after like a bunch of kindergarten children. How great. His house turns from a personal private property into a hiding place for freaks, and just how fucked up is that?

Tony grumbles silently in anger. He doesn't like that, any of this, but he really can't complain, because he owes that eye patch man with his life, and whether he likes it or not, he has become his bitch until there's no more dangerous psychopath that threatens to rule the earth or whatever.

Raising his fist up, Tony waits until all the energy in his suit is focused on his right hand, and just when he is about to shoot—

"Hey guys, I've got some good ne—"

_Wham!_

"_Darcy!_" the self-proclaimed genius shouts loudly at the top of his lungs toward the scientist, throwing his mask onto the floor and groans.

The laser he intended to shoot at the target—a perfect flawless duplicate of Dr. Doom—had missed and made a whole new hole on the ceilings. Pepper is certainly won't be pleased by this when she returns from that conference in New York with the other scientist (if he remembers correctly, she's Thor's girlfriend, which means she's off limit _or else_).

"Oops. Sorry Stark. I didn't see you there." She apologizes earnestly, her lips quirk downward and her eyes widen slightly. He knows that look. She uses it often to get away from all the troubles she had caused. Tony groans.

"Well, of course you didn't see me! I was in this suit and—"

"It is fixable, Man of Steel. You do not have to shout at her like that." Another familiar feminine voice cuts him off, and Tony lets out another groan. Jesus, why is it that everyone seems to go against him even when it's _not_ his fault?

He turns around and fakes a smile, his teeth grit in annoyance as the Goddess of War enters the room along with Thor's little brother, and why is it that he's the only one who feels that it's weird for the two of them to come together _every single day_?

"Lady Sif," Tony greets, and then bows at her mockingly. He points at the holes in the ceiling, and the other ceilings above, and he swears that he can see the sky. "And how will you fix something like that without money, huh? How?"

Sif looks up to stare at the ceiling for a while, and then smiles. She looks at Loki from her shoulder and gestures at the ceiling with her head and hears him sighs. Tony raises his brow at this.

_'Ah, right. He can do magic. Right.'_ He suddenly remembers the time when the sorcerer had beaten the six of them so easily a few months ago—well, six of them minus _him_ got their assess kicked, but he didn't, because he's Tony Stark and he's badass—then pouts. It is not exactly one of his most pleasant memories, and why is he being so fucking _whipped_ in front of that woman, anyway? It makes him feel insulted, one way or another.

Tony glares at Loki as he whispers his enchantment; several of runes appear out of nowhere and fly through his ceilings. Annoyingly, the holes are all fixed in a blink of an eye.

"Gee, thank you Loki. Now everybody can ruin my entire house all the time, and I don't have to fix it." He announces loudly, sarcasms dripping in his voice, making Steve roll his eyes and Thor to laugh almost hysterically. Sif just smiles and Loki scoffs.

"Uhh, yeah, can we move on from the fact that _you_ are the one who almost destroyed your house and put the blame on _me_ because _you_ don't want to blame yourself for it, please?" At this, they all try to stifle their laugh, and Tony throws a deadly glare at Darcy's way.

Before he can say something more sarcastic than before, Clint speaks first. Damn him and his instinct.

"What's the big news?" he asks casually, though he doesn't seem like he's paying any attention at all, and it pisses him off more.

Darcy is practically _bouncing_ at their way—their as in Steve, Bruce, Thor, and Clint on the corner, surrounding _his_ coffee table, and he tries to not mind it—while clapping her hands like a child (her appearance does make her look like a teenager despite her age, and no matter how smart she claims herself is, he still looks at her as if she's like, seven or eight years old).

"Jane, Tasha and Pepperoni are coming back tomorrow!" she chimes cheerfully, her eyes shine in happiness, and they can't help but amused at this.

It's a good thing that she is able to brighten the room with only a smile, but really, she's still annoying and he rolls his eyes when the other guys start patting her head like she's a kitten of some sort—out of pity, he thinks, and his lips curve into a twisted smile.

Tony returns to his task at hand; shooting the new and improved laser he finished hours ago. It's been boring these days, he hates to admit, so making him and his suit more awesome than they already are by improving his weapons is not such a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it's one hell of a brilliant idea, and he _is_ brilliant, so that's that.

Adjusting his arm ever so slightly, Tony concentrates all the energy in his suit and focuses them on his hands. He is about to shoot, when he realizes that Loki and Sif are still standing on his way.

Annoyed, Tony removes his mask once again and groans at them.

"For god's sake—I know that you two _love_ being all cute and adorable in front of us, and I know that you're _so in love_ with each other that you _actually_ had sex in my kitchen—and don't you _dare_ deny it; I have cameras all over the place—but _please_," he says in quick pace, but not quick enough for the others to not understand what he's implying, and finishes in one breath. "Can you move away from that spot? My target is right behind you, thank you."

Okay, so he actually enjoys the feeling he gets when they freeze and look at him in shock, and he can _literally_ feel other five pairs of eyes on his back, completely dumbfounded by what he said. It's like he knows everything, which he does, by the way, but he doesn't say it aloud.

When they don't move (he regrets not bringing his camera, because the looks on Loki and Sif's faces are _priceless_), Tony shakes his head and growls. Do they not understand what he's saying?

"So you mean… they're like, having sex together and… stuff?" Darcy's slightly-trembling voice breaks the silence that he doesn't realize has been awkward until he sees the looks on each of their face, and clicks his tongue.

"Well, if you include the handcuffs that Loki stole the other day, and the lack of whip cream in the fridge as "and stuff", then yes! Should I explain more?"

Bruce's jaw drops like, one meter or so, Clint makes a face (mixture of shock, frown, confusion, and like that he doesn't believe what he just heard), oh-my-god is written all over Darcy's face, and neither Thor or Steve seem to understand what exactly is going on.

Tony feels like banging his head on the nearest wall and die already, but the thought of Pepper, missing him and crying all over his grave (probably, but he _knows_ she will… right?) stops him from doing so.

"Wait; aren't handcuffs used to arrest criminals?" Steve asks innocently—and Tony _might_ believe that he's playing around if not for his clueless innocent face and the pure confusion in his voice—and the Iron Man finds himself banging his head repeatedly on the nearest wall without even realizing it.

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><p>... This one came on a whim. Need I say more? Reviews, please?<p> 


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